Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Day Six

I think we'll let Jacqueline sing this verse solo for a change.
I'll count you in ... 2,3,4:
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
six geese a laying (not wandering around waiting for the
carol concert to start),
a vintage Rolex watch and ...
Buggertelle to put beneath my tree.
No, that wasn't a spelling mistake, have you ever tried stitching it?
Thank you Jacqueline, that was memorable and a happy new year
to all our readers.

Monday, 30 December 2013

Day Five

We always used to shout this verse at school, so come on now -
give it some wellie.
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
and a nasty little rash .......
..... well, how was he to know that Cashmere makes me break out like that,
a tube of cream and ....
the chart for Quatre Saisons to put beneath my tree.
I started stitching this one immediately as I needed something to
do with my hands - to stop me from scratching of course Alice!

Sunday, 29 December 2013

Day Four

Here we go again, please try to keep up with the others Alice dear.
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Four colly birds (blackbirds to you and me),
a bottle of Chanel No 5, which was all I ever used to wear to bed
until I discovered "the onesie" and .....
..... the chart for Pigalle to put beneath my tree.
Hurry, buy now while stocks last!!!

Saturday, 28 December 2013

Day Three

All together now -
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Three French hens, complete with berets and baguettes which have
been kept out of shot to protect the innocent,
a designer handbag, embroidered of course, and ....
..... the chart for Flemish Giant to put beneath my tree.

Friday, 27 December 2013

Day Two

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Two turtle doves - embroidered of course,
a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes,
and the chart for Opus Magnusson to put beneath the tree.
You can see where this is going can't you?
Day Three tomorrow.

Thursday, 26 December 2013

The Twelve Days of Christmas - Day One

I threatened singing, and singing we will have.  The twelve days of
Christmas is an old traditional song which began as a chant and
evolved over the centuries into the version we know now.
It all kicks off on 26th December, St Stephens Day and goes right
through until 12th Night, the Eve of Epiphany.
This is the Chateau Long Dog version so anything could happen.
Bring sandwiches (turkey of course) and a change of underwear.
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
A partridge in a pear tree.
A platinum and diamond eternity ring.  And ....
..... the latest Long Dog (Rain Dance) to put beneath the tree.

Wednesday, 25 December 2013

Have a cool Yule!

Seasons greetings peasants from all of us here at Chateau Long Dog!
But don't go away because "the singing" starts tomorrow!

Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Advent - Door Twenty Four

Home and dry, the final day of the Long Dog Advent Extravaganza is here
at last.  Just one more door to go. Who wants to do the honours?
I do love a good anti-climax after all that hype so I thought the
door to a garden shed would fit the bill perfectly.
As you can see the dogs are on Santa watch, where they've been since
first light but so far all they've spotted is a couple of huntsmen doing
some last minute Christmas shooting and the ginger tom from down
the road trying to keep a low profile and not get shot by mistake.
Well I'm off now to look for a very big stocking because this is
what I've asked for this year - horse 'n all.
May all your wildest dreams come true.


Monday, 23 December 2013

Advent - Door Twenty Three B

Dashing through the snow - these outside toilets
can be so inconvenient when the weather is bad.  Moving right along,
which I was  .....
Here is today's Door Twenty Three B.  I know it looks like a slightly
eccentric outside privvy but I'm beginning to get bored with
this search for ever more exciting/funny doors so it's this or nothing.

Here's a fuzzy photo of my grand daughter Jaz just hanging around waiting to
get stuck into her pressies.  Just like her mother - she could never
wait five minutes either to see what Santa had left her.
The countdown has started in earnest now so if you want to be in
with a chance of feeding the five thousand without giving them food
poisoning at the same time you'd better all shove off and start doing
cheffy things in your kitchen.  Self-basting turkeys are two a penny
but no one has yet invented a self-stuffing one.  Have fun.

Sunday, 22 December 2013

Advent - Door Twenty Two

Or as a bingo caller would say - two little ducks, and a Cockney
would be asked to moderate his slang at once.
I cancelled today's caption competition for exactly the same reason
that the Cockney was slapped on the wrists.  Saucy is good,
rude is acceptable at a pinch (provided it's in the right place)
but I have to draw the line at downright vulgar even though
it was rather funny, so today you'll just have to use your imagination.
If there's somebody out there with the initials IK please contact me
as they may have picked up my JL by mistake.  Thank you.
You're right, I am starting to lose it big time. 
It may not be PC to smoke any more, drinking is frowned upon in some circles
but for me this is the essence of Christmas.  The smell of Grandad's
cigar, a little sip of brandy when no one was looking, Uncle Tom
out cold on the sofa and the dog throwing up in the hall
....... aaah! happy days.

Saturday, 21 December 2013

Advent - Door Vingt-et-Un

Place your bets ladies, gentlemen and transvestite carol singers
because it's time for some pussy.
Well what did you think I meant?  Yes, it's our Door Twenty One
home of Puss In Boots himself although in this photo he's just
popped out without them.  Never work with animals.
I think poor Puss could be in for a shock, don't you!
Nothing to eat today I'm afraid as by the time I finished decorating the
tree I was far too bushed to whip up anything in the kitchen
for your delight.
Six swans a swimming, and one in front of the tree looking
slightly bemused because his GPS decided to send him
on the pretty route.

Friday, 20 December 2013

Advent - Door Twenty

Courage mes braves, we've not long to go now.
Only another four sleeps (or in the case of most children three and a bit)
and the great day will be here at last.
This all looks very grand, and so it should, because it's the lift (elevator for
my American readers) doors at Fortnum & Masons in London.
It's all frightfully posh, frightfully expensive and todays Advent venue.
Can we have a fanfare of massed sprouts please because
it's time to announce the winners of the Christmas Raffle 2013 so have
your tickets ready.
The prizes as you all know are three beautiful Fortnum's hampers so kindly
donated each year by the Chairman of the Sprout Marketing Board.  (It amazes me
sometimes how I manage to make all this up.)
And the winners are, in no particular order .......
The usual suspects - HMTQ, Charlies wife and the ever lovelly and smiling Kate.
Of course it was rigged.  I wouldn't mind so much if they had actually paid for
a ticket!  Hey ho.  Who knows what tomorrow brings ... well I do actually.

Thursday, 19 December 2013

Advent - Door Nineteen

There's some awfully dodgey looking doors about and this
one is no exception.  Knock quickly and let's be done with it,
there's much to do and I'm in no mood for nutters.
Incidentally, even if you blow this picture up really big you still can't read what
it says on that notice, I've tried.
Well that's a relief, it was only Geordie chilling out and trying
not to get under my feet when I'm busy.  Just a minute, is that a
crumb of mince pie I can see on the tip of his nose?
No - I was mistaken it was a tiny piece of stollen.  Naughty boy.
I've had to turn the whole thing round to hide the teeth marks.

Wednesday, 18 December 2013

Advent - Door Eighteen

And the winner of today's caption competition is ......
Steve from Essex with his entry "Nice knockers".
Thank you Steve but what on earth was a big butch bloke like you doing
on a cross stitch blog.  Is there something he's not telling us do you suppose?
This one's for you Stevie, the shape of things to come maybe, it's the
"when" that has yet to be decided.  I'll tease anyone given half a chance!
And if you're looking for something to pull there's plenty here to keep
your little hands occupied for a while.  But please, keep those awful
motto's to yourself - they make my toes curl and really should be
consigned to my Board 101 on Pinterest.  If you want to know what
really gets my goat why don't you give it a look sometime, simply
hit that big P up there on the right of this page and P-off!

Monday, 16 December 2013

Advent - Doors Sixteen & Seventeen

I'm starting to flag with all this daily blogging and so today all I can
say is BOGOF - blog one get one free!  Read on ....
The man looks a bit like a thin Hercule Poirot as played by David Suchet but beyond
that I fear I cannot go.  Could it be the door to the gents where use of mobile
phones is prohibited or maybe the burning match symbol at the bottom right
is a warning against naked flames having over-indulged in the sprout department.
Your thoughts would be appreciated.
No visible number but take it from me, this is the entrance to
Number 17 Dingley Dell where just about anything may lurk behind.
How very unseasonal - a delicate woodland plant.  You certainly
won't recognise this species unless you've been hacking into my
laptop again.  Shame on you.
Go easy on the garlic if you don't want to end up like this poor couple
of star-crossed lovers.  TTFN - see you the day after tomorrow
(Wednesday Alice) after my day off and a good scoff of mince pies
and a couple of gallons of tea.

Sunday, 15 December 2013

Advent - Door Fifteen

Good King Wenceslas looked out and got a proper eyeful.
Saw the maid with nothing on eating up his trifle.
A curse on these childhood flashbacks, I feel a door coming on.
Knock, knock.  Who's there?  Amos.  Amos who?  Amos Quito!
Got that one out of a cracker, perhaps I should have left it there.
Oh goody, it's a piece of crumpled up and badly photographed cross stitch.
Just what a girl needs when she's trying to do about five things at once
and failing miserably.  What's for dinner?
Vegetarians look away now as today's traditional Christmas offering could cause
you serious psychological damage if stared at for too long.  If, however, you
are thinking of adapting this dish simply serve the apples with a dressed green
salad as a hearty, deeply satisfying alternative.

Saturday, 14 December 2013

Advent - Door Fourteen

We're well over half way there now and with luck
on our side we should finish bang on time according to my calculations.
Imagination is called for today because try as I would I couldn't
come up with a number fourteen door.  A number fourteen bus - yes,
size fourteen shoes, dresses galore but no ruddy door.  Damn and blast
with holly trimmings.
This should tease everyone except all you oh la la French ladies because
it featured in The Marquoir which is an excellent publication
but not widely "connu" as we say over here.
Who fancies a drink?  This mulled wine should go down a treat
and someone has even knitted it a little scarf to make sure
it keeps hot.  Get a life!