Monday, 12 January 2015

Nothing really changes

I've been making a final effort to sort through
the last few bits and pieces, otherwise known as my miserable
possessions, that made it across the
Channel to my new roost here in Norfolk.
However I haven't got very far as I'm easily sidetracked.
In my old portfolio from art school days I came
across a whole collection of yellowed and crumbling
"magazines" for French embroidresses dating back to the
late 1800's and early 1900's which I picked up for a song
at a Parisian marche des puces (flea market) yonks ago.
It wasn't so much the content that grabbed my attention
as the small ad's on the back pages that fascinated me.
Although if anyone needs a pattern, now well out of
copywright, for a cutwork violin cover they need
look no further as I have one!

It would appear that nothing much has changed and that
women back then were also concerned about their wobbly bits.
It would also appear that, without danger and with medical approval,
it would be possible to develop a round, firm, well-developed
bust in two months simply by popping a few
"oriental pills".  Seems that some of them were just as gullible
then as we are now where our bosoms are concerned
- heaving or otherwise!  Although after a couple of those pills
you probably would be.
I suppose it would be rather difficult to make many modifications
to the good old sewing frame except perhaps to cast it
in light weight titanium but inflation seems to have played
havoc with the price over the last century.  I wish now that
I'd stockpiled a few when I had the chance.  You will see below
that they're still banging on about their breasts (rather than
beating them) and have even moved on to beard removal for
good measure.  Thank goodness I cut of the bit about retards.
If you ever wanted to rubber stamp your pantaloons and them embroider
them then this little "necessaire" contained everything necessary
to do so.  To hell with my pantaloons I say,
let's stamp our breasts and get them tattooed, it's
all the rage this century!
I have, in a previous post, already mentioned the rather seedy sounding
method of transferring a design on to material called "prick and
pounce" much favoured in the seventeenth century.  Well now
here it is again transformed into a machine and yours for
a magnificent 130 old francs + 10 old france p&p.
I shall order one immediately if they've still got one in stock.
This is the one that really slayed me. 
Look no hands!
It's a nifty, light-weight mirror which, due to it's
ingenious disposition, can be used instead of eyes
in the back of your head to examine not only the
state of your chignon but also - wait for it -
the aplomb of your vestments.
I simply can't follow that so I shall bid you all a good
day and continue with my tidying up.
I wonder what they'd have made of Botox?

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