Tuesday, 27 January 2015

This will make you laugh

I have finally gone beyond the "pail" with today's offering, leaving behind all the rules and
institutions of English society, which we English modestly consider
synonymous with civilisation itself  The only way to put a stop to behaviour of
this sort is to send me photo's of your work so that I have something else to talk about.
"Bucket" lists, I have decided, are for girlies and have taken the concept one
step further.  Oh yes!  I have now chosen where I actually want to die!

This moment of utter clarity came upon me quite unbidden whilst looking at the
photo's on some old Action for Greyhounds calendars.
Quick digression.  AFG do tremendous work on behalf of unfortunate greys and are
always in need of funds so nip over to their site:
have a quick butcher's and, if you can't manage to adopt then do the next best thing,
buy everything on offer from their on line boutique.  Tell them I sent you.

Where was I?  Ah, yes.  Not about to die but simply considering venues for when the
time comes.  Lots of the stately homes and ancient monuments are quite prepared to fleece
young couples when they offer their premises as wedding venues but, think about it,
it's the baby boomers who have all the money and they will be the next lot to go.

The Guildhall, Norwich
So, commercially this makes great sense and there is a real gap in the market begging to be
filled - the death bed of your dreams.  Simply gather all your loved ones from far and wide
then quietly snuff it or rage against the dying of the light (entirely your choice),
leaving them with the bill.  Sounds like a runner to me, anyone got Alan Sugar's number?
I don't recall there being an age limit for The Apprentice contestants.

After much deliberation I have chosen the Guildhall in Norwich for one very
important reason - they have a greyhound bed!  One last gin and tonic, or three, for
the road for old Granny Long Dog then it's belts off, trousers down, wasn't life a scream?
Next stop St Faith's crem on the back of an old bike  (wouldn't be seen
dead in a hearse - that was a joke Alice) to the accompaniment of Wheels on Fire. 

I had something more like a Harley in mind, this bloke doesn't look
as if he would make it over Ringland Hills.


  1. I applaud your forward thinking! Although I think I'd rather have a hammock, but in your case if you are going to go out, why not in a nice place? :D My last will is going to state very clearly that I be cremated, my ash ground up super fine and mixed liberally with glitter. After which my three grown children will then don their fairy wings and leap through the forest spreading my be-glittered ashes to and fro!

    1. What a charming idea Carla. Then you will sparkle and become truly as one with the stars! I wish I had thought of that.

    2. No dying allowed in the upcoming years. You simply MUST keep going as long as I do!!