Tuesday, 17 June 2014

Fire drill

So, it's the middle of the bleedin' night
and yours truly is not only fast akip (sounds like
a new political party) but deeply involved
with a young Sean Bean playing the role of Mellors
the gamekeeper to Lady Chatterley.
No Alice dear, I wasn't taking the part of his labrador.
Bloody cheek!

Double barrelled
It was at that moment that I had what can only be
described as a "near death experience", the earth
(and my bowels I might add) nearly moved
 and not at the hands of the wicked SB either.
"Where would you like your daisies planted madam"
he said huskily.
- oh read the book if you don't know what I'm on about.

I must not eat beans at bed time!
The smoke alarm on the landing had gone off and,
had my ticker been in any way dicky, I think
it would have been curtains for Granny Long Dog.
Fortunately I'm made of sterner stuff than that
-remember the rats, the hornets, the night the chateau
roof nearly came off?

Women and long dog's first!
I didn't know whether to hastily dress for the occasion,
grab my laptop and a clean pair of knickers,
abandon ship, search for my muster station
or start the community singing with Abide With Me of course.

I think he's pleased to see me!!
In the end I decided to do none of the above,
after all there was no smell of smoke
and my bed didn't appear to be on fire so I drifted
back into the arms of Mellors for a little unfinished business.
Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean!


  1. Don't they just stop your heart! Glad you could get back to sleep. Was it someone having a sneaky cigarette in the night?

    1. No - I think it was SB about to spontaneously combust.

    2. If anybody could, it would be him, wouldn't it! Whew!

    3. If anybody could, it would be him, wouldn't it! Whew!