Monday, 5 November 2012

Rats - the continuing story

You'll be safe in my kitchen so park your bum, admire my tangerines, and I will regale you with The Ratcatcher's Tale (nearly put "tail").

It was the van cruising by which first caught the eye with rather fetching artwork proclaiming the French equivalent of "Death to all Rodents"  which left any curious neighbour in no two minds as to what was going on.  The doors slid open and out they sprang (yes - they come in twos) and hastily donned their bio-hazard suits.
Nice jugs by the way.
It turned out to be an ageing husband and wife team, she bearing an uncanny resemblance to Mo Harris in Eastenders - I must remember to check the silver.  They made their way upstairs as fast as their arthritic knees would allow and after a series of Oo la la's and a couple of slightly more sinister Ho lo los they announced that I had not only rats but a huge infestation of mice and evidence of "loire".  Yes, I'm away to Google that one a bit smartish.
Help - we're trapped in the bookcase - sorry, I digress.
They duly laid various types of bait some of which involved crawling inside cupboards on their hands and, yes - you got it, arthritic knees.  Then with a hasty glance at their watches, the flourish of a hefty bill and a firm shaking of hands all round (remind me to wash mine) they leapt into their Ratmobile and screeched off for the sacred two-hour French lunch having promised to return in quinze jours (2 weeks to you and me).
  Spot the Emma Bridgewater.
The answers to yesterday's Turd Recognition Quiz are (a) rat, (b) loire and the jury is still out on the teeth marks.  Tomorrow promises to be fun as the men are coming to fit a heat pump.  What could possible go wrong?
And finally, for those amongst you who like a bit of old tat - I picked this up at the brocante last week for a song.  Knowing my luck it'll probably turn out to be infested with something unpleasant!

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