Saturday, 18 May 2013

All will be revealed - Part V: S is for Snake

.... and for SEXUALITY too!  There, I've said it, the secret's out and I bet that got your attention.  So put on some clothes, make yourself a cup of tea and, whilst we do our Kegel exercises together, I'll tell you more.

S is for Stallion
Size doesn't matter in this instance (not like in real life eh! Camilla?) but proportion most certainly does.  If your snake is the largest object on the page then I'm rather surprised you managed to tear yourself away from whatever it was you were doing to join us here because the bigger the snake the more importance you place on your love life.
S is for Shar Pei
And anyone who gave theirs stripes or the odd spot or two for good measure really does need to calm it down a notch lest they deplete their energy resources entirely.
S is for Service - please
Now we've established the ground rules the next question to ask is where have you put him?  In, on or nearby the house - what a good girl you are, no skeletons in your cupboard, everything above board and according to your vows.  Wrapped around the tree A&E fashion - sounds a bit racy but nothing remarkable there either, just a normal, loving relationship with good family values, the usual highs and lows and the odd bit of sparkle here and there to keep the flame alive.
S is for Sins of the Flesh
Anyone's snake found swimming in the river needs to beware however - office romances seldom have happy endings and it's only on Holby City that the junior nurse manages to cop off with the senior consultant.  The only exception here being a couple who not only work but play together too in which case - enjoy!  Thank goodness no one drew a winged serpent circling the sun this time because I really didn't want to go there again.  Once was enough believe me.
S is for Supple, it's also for Stuck!
Now what exactly is your snake up to because this is important.  And what is his tongue doing?  Sorry, but I have to ask because a long, hissey tongue is a sure sign of someone on the look out for another partner.  A snake laying stretched out is a sign of someone who is confident sexually and very laid back about their love life.
S is for Steeple, or Spire should you prefer.
A coiled snake with it's head erect is usually drawn by someone who likes to keep their personal life very private but who is certainly no prude and the snake with lots of bends and kinks points to a chequered and multi-partnered past.  Best not to delve too deeply here or indeed into the affairs of the lady from Baltimore with two snakes locked in a deadley embrace because her case doesn't come up in court until next month I believe.
S is for Silly Cat
The pictures today have all been chosen specially for dear Alice as she's still rather too innocent to join our advanced sewing circle and also because I don't want this blog closed down because it contains unsuitable "flashing" images.
S is for Skinny Dipping
So now that we've finally got to the "bottom" of it all what on earth will we find to talk about next week?  Trust me, I'll think of something but in the meantime I must see if I can revive my snake, he's been looking very droopey of late.  I wonder why?

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