WARNING: This article does contain subliminal advertising which is not suitable for persons of a nervous disposition or those under the age of consent. (I can wait!) There are also no pictures because sufferers of LDA are not a pretty sight as they often neglect their appearances in the relentless pursuit of their cravings however it must be stated that Long Dog Samplers are a legal high and in a class of their own.
Before taking the test to discover whether or not you are LDA Positive (Long Dog Addicted) it's probably a good idea for us to have a quick run through of some of the most common signs and symptoms of this affliction. They are as follows:
- sporadic hanging of recently framed samplers throughout the house on any bare wall spaces;
- a growing desire for a "sewing room" and specialist equipment (needle keeps, frames, daylight lamps etc);
- a sudden increase in the amount of mail coming into the home particularly small soft packets;
- damaged teeth caused by frequent "nipping" of threads;
- speech impairment brought about by holding a needle between the lips whilst selecting new thread.
- a feeling of immediate loss or emptiness once a project is finished and the final stitch has been made;
- a need to withdraw from family life in order to pursue your habit;
- nocturnal stitching;
- the uncontrollable desire to sniff and caress charts (more common than hitherto thought, particulary in Australia where everything is upside down anyway);
- an overall shakiness when waiting for material to arrive;
- constantly muttering "be quiet, I'm counting,"
Now then, we've come to the crunch. Do you dare to take this simple test to prove conclusively whether you have full blown LDA? You might find it helpful to have a family member or friend wth you to offer support if needed.
1. How many Long Dogs do you currently own - over 10? YES/NO
2. Do you find yourself hurrying so that you can get on to the next project in your stash? YES/NO
3. Do you hyperventilate at the release of a new design? YES/NO
4. Do you post frequent pictures of your progress on social media? YES/NO
5. Do you dream in cross stitch? YES/NO
6. Do you secretly lust after a special commission of your very own? YES/NO
7. Are you ever more than an arm's length away from your stitching and even take it on holiday? YES/NO
8. Do you suffer withdrawal symptoms when engaged in other tasks? YES/NO
9. Have you ever turned down an invitation because you want to stitch? YES/NO
10. Can you list more than twelve Long Dog Samplers by name without hesitation? YES/NO
ANSWERS (This should be upside down but I don't know how to do that and I've been too busy stitching to find out).
0-1 yes answers: Why are you even bothering to take this test?
2-6 yes answers: Still time to escape with your bank balance intact.
7-8 yes answers: You have a serious problem.
9 yes answers: There's no going back for you.
10 yes answers: Do you mean to tell me you've actually stopped stitching to take this test?
11 or more yest answers: I'm afraid you're a no-hoper if ever I saw one. Join the club!
Whatever your score - congratulations and I'm sure it will increase over time. And please don't forget, when your addiction gets the better of you just email me immediately because the designer drug (sorry that should have been chart) of your choice is only a click away.
I do also provide a confidential conselling service on my 24/7 helpline or to give it it's other name "a special commission" - you have but to ask as I know you want one. Speak soon, just follow the link: