Friday, 19 December 2014

Door Nineteen

P-pick a p-penguin.
He's the guy living at Number 4 with the blue door.
 
 
And, in his spare time he's also an agent for Jimmy Choo shoes.
 
Shoe of choice of the members of Peckham Trannies Anonymous
when they feel like doing some serious partying.
I'm just going to sit down quietly now and try to figure
out why the words "trannies" and "anonymous"
don't seem to sit well in the same sentence unless they
strut their stuff behind closed doors while Mr Penguin keeps
watch for the paparazzi looking for a good story down Peckham Rye.
 
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
 
 
It's lucky dip time, just send an email and order the first thing
that comes to mind.
 
 
Pawn 'n Claws (8 euros) that will do nicely and remember:
"None but cats and dogs may quarrel in my house."
 
 


Thursday, 18 December 2014

Door Eighteen

After all yesterday's excitement I thought we should make
ourselves scarce for a bit while the scandal dies down
and our cheeks become less pink.
 
 
And it doesn't come much quieter or more remote than this
isolated little croft hidden away at a secret location
on the Isle of Jura, Scotland.
 
 
Today we've got something to really "grouse" about from
the naked, see-through to the snow with a couple of
other stops thrown in for good measure. 
Slainte!
 
ADVERT BREAK
- do not fast forward.
 
 
 
Pour yourself a wee dram, snuggle up in front of the fire,
admire your decorations and whilst still in a
reckless, party mood order yourself a copy of
the ever lovely Mots d'Amour - only 9 euros
and ever so easy to do from your i-pad!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Wednesday, 17 December 2014

Door Seventeen B (upstairs flat)

Knock twice, ask for Gloria and take a seat while
you wait.
 

 
If you can read what it says you are either:
a.  too close
b.  definately in for a surprise, or
c.  should be ashamed of yourself, does your mother know
where you are?
 
 
Bet you didn't know Gloria's brother would open
the door.  Made me jump I can tell you
and I thought I was immune to surprises.
How's your blood pressure Ginger?
 
NO CREDIT GIVEN - WE ONLY ACCEPT PAYPAL
 
 
Quickly, click on the link and buy yourself a copy of
Quakers Dozen for 9 euros and try and
pretend you came to the wrong address.
 
 
I just hope none of this makes the nationals.
Reputations have been ruined for less.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Tuesday, 16 December 2014

Door Sixteen

You will never guess in a million years
what lies behind this foreign facade.
 
 
Unless, of course, you've been cheating and have hacked into my
trusty laptop whilst I was engaged elsewhere.
Sounds like a euphamism (and probably an incorrectly
spelled one at that) to me.
 
Double trouble. 
A pair of darling greys waiting patiently
for a quick peck. 
I'll be with you in a minute but no tongues please,
you never know who may be looking.
 
STEP INTO THE SHOP
 
 
Paradigm isn't really Lost at all.  That's just an ugly
rumour put about by my competitors.
 
 
Dig deep in your pockets, look down the sofa,
break open those piggy banks and buy yourself a
copy at the very reasonable price of 19 euros.
It's a classic and deserves a place in everyone's stash.


Sunday, 14 December 2014

Door Fifteen

We're over half way through the advent countdown to
Christmas.  I wonder how many of you are still
with me?
 
 
What startled it?  Why all those thousands of Long Dog
stitchers who keep coming up and knocking
eager to see what excitement is hidden behind it's
bland exterior.
 
 
It's the Fortnum & Mason's wagon delivering hampers to one and
one (including HMTQ and many of the other royals who've
given the staff time off over the festivities and want to make
sure there's something to nibble at while they watch
Granny's speech on the box).
 
SADLY NO ROYAL WARRANT FOR LONG DOG YET
but I'm sure the design I'm working on right now
entitled 1001 Corgis might just sway it in my favour.
 
 
Continuing with the "royal" theme, todays must have is
Hare Apparent (or Charlie Boy as it's sometimes known
and not just because of the big ears.)
Very affordable at 9 euros apiece.
 
 
Put on your robes of state and form an orderly queue please.
 


Door Fourteen

Aren't they cute athough I do think their keeper might
have scrubbed them up a bit before he took the photo.
 
 
They've been trying to get through those doors for ages
because once they got a whiff of what lay behind
nothing would budge them.
 
 
If there's one thing guaranteed to drive a panda wild it's
a glass of bubbly.  Unfortunately they can't hold their drink
and tend to fall over in the middle of the road.
The "panda crossing" was named after their drunken antics.
Not many people know that - not even Michael Caine
('cos I just made it up)!
 
BARGAIN TIME!!!!
 
 
 
Today, for one day only, I can let you have a pdf of The Token
at the normal price of 9 Euros.
 
Hurry, offer closes at midnight GMT.
 


Saturday, 13 December 2014

Door Thirteen

Anyone superstitious?  If so, either come back tomorrow
or stop being such a whimp.  What could possibly harm you?
 
 
I've chosen a nice little cross stitch door for us to knock upon
today to ensure that we all stay within our comfort zone
and there's a pair of special guests waiting to be revealed.
 
 
Let me introduce you to Faithfull (on the right) and Faith's
Daddy (on the left) my two childhood chums
who still grace my bed and keep me company through thick and thin.
Jumpers from the Long Dog for Bears range of knitwear.
 
AND NOW SOME "BEAR" FACED CHEEK
 
Get out your purses, grab your credit cards, I want to sell
you something.
 
 
Wachet Auf at 8 Euros apiece.
 
Repeat after me - I'll have two please.