Cor-gette!

As I go through the rather slow business of getting my body kick

started for action each morning, a vital component of the whole

routine is reading The Mail Online on my trusty tablet

while I am still buried deep beneath the duvet.

 

I like to check out whether we have gone to war with anyone

while I slept, who's been doing what to whom, and whether

cerise has become the "new black" overnight.

 

Now that's one male I definately wouldn't mind going online with!

 

The Mail somehow never seems to let me down.

It's guaranteed to play up the latest health scare, remind me

that an asteroid the size of Venezuela (I think that's the

first time I've ever written that word) will pass dangerously

close to the earth next July and update me on just how safe

it is for a woman to be out alone after dark in our towns

and villages along with the black spots to avoid at all costs.

 

Courageous researcher conducting some field worl for the articles.

 

There has been a series of articles recently in the Fe-Mail

Health Section pondering the average size, when fully extended,

of the male member.  Not a burning (perhaps an unwise choice of

word) issue that I can honestly say has troubled me over the years

but, nonetheless, I read on as I had suddenly become curious.

 

The first article posed many questions but gave no answers.

Neither did the second but the final piece in the series came straight

to the point, so to speak, - 5.5 inches, that's official

 

They've just heard the next question.

 

I duly filed this new found piece of fascinating information away in

the "may come in handy at a dinner party/pub quiz" part of my

brain and thought no more about it.  That is until today!

 

I was idly washing a courgette that I was going to prepare for my

lunch but I won't take you through my actual, rather shameful,

thought processes but suffice it to say that I nipped off into the

office to fetch my trusty old school ruler as I needed to get to

the bottom of all this once and for all.

 

It doesn't take much imagination to see what set me off.

 

The proud, green specimen measured an eyewatering 5.9 inches on

the Richter courgette scale which I deemed to be a quake

of some significance.

 

After lunch, which by the way way delicious, I sat quietly reflecting

and came to the conclusion that having been married twice coupled

with a fair bit of practice in between times, all in all,

I had gotten off very lightly indeed.

Sometimes less can be more (than sufficient)!

Rude girl Julia, go straight to your room.