Tuesday, 17 March 2015


As I go through the rather slow business of getting my body kick
started for action each morning, a vital component of the whole
routine is reading The Mail Online on my trusty tablet
while I am still buried deep beneath the duvet.
I like to check out whether we have gone to war with anyone
while I slept, who's been doing what to whom, and whether
cerise has become the "new black" overnight.
Now that's one male I definately wouldn't mind going online with!
The Mail somehow never seems to let me down.
It's guaranteed to play up the latest health scare, remind me
that an asteroid the size of Venezuela (I think that's the
first time I've ever written that word) will pass dangerously
close to the earth next July and update me on just how safe
it is for a woman to be out alone after dark in our towns
and villages along with the black spots to avoid at all costs.
Courageous researcher conducting some field worl for the articles.
There has been a series of articles recently in the Fe-Mail
Health Section pondering the average size, when fully extended,
of the male member.  Not a burning (perhaps an unwise choice of
word) issue that I can honestly say has troubled me over the years
but, nonetheless, I read on as I had suddenly become curious.
The first article posed many questions but gave no answers.
Neither did the second but the final piece in the series came straight
to the point, so to speak, - 5.5 inches, that's official
They've just heard the next question.
I duly filed this new found piece of fascinating information away in
the "may come in handy at a dinner party/pub quiz" part of my
brain and thought no more about it.  That is until today!
I was idly washing a courgette that I was going to prepare for my
lunch but I won't take you through my actual, rather shameful,
thought processes but suffice it to say that I nipped off into the
office to fetch my trusty old school ruler as I needed to get to
the bottom of all this once and for all.
It doesn't take much imagination to see what set me off.
The proud, green specimen measured an eyewatering 5.9 inches on
the Richter courgette scale which I deemed to be a quake
of some significance.
After lunch, which by the way way delicious, I sat quietly reflecting
and came to the conclusion that having been married twice coupled
with a fair bit of practice in between times, all in all,
I had gotten off very lightly indeed.
Sometimes less can be more (than sufficient)!
Rude girl Julia, go straight to your room.

1 comment:

  1. A very tasteful post...I'm speaking of the corgette of course! ;)