Monday, 28 December 2015

Long Dog Addiction - Part I: The Facts

Are Long Dogs addictive?
Well judging by the size of some of your stashes
and WIPs I think I already have the answer.
However, in the interests of medical science, I decided
to conduct my own research to find out if there was
actually any clinically provable evidence to substantiate
these rumours and came up with some remarkable results.

Day seventeen of mug tests in my kitchen and they still haven't moved.

Firstly, in a blind taste test, I discovered that a group of
randomly selected kitchen mugs when placed on a page of
Long Dog chart obviously couldn't get enough exposure
to it's beauty and sat there for days on end without moving
at all.  Whereas, the control group in the cupboard were very
restless and constantly needed to be used for tea ceremonies
followed by being washed up and put away again, and again,
and again.  They obviously felt empty when they had nothing
Long Dog to sit upon and contemplate.

Members of the Acle snail racing team in training.

I felt that I needed to gain further proof before I could
conclusively endorse the addiction claims often to be found
bandied about on Facebook and in chat rooms so I sought
one final avenue for research - Acle racing snails!

A crack French team all ready for action.

These snails are famous for the speed at which they can strip
a plant of leaves when your back is turned.  So, just for you,
I got up at some ungodly hour before the thrushes who feast on
them had even brushed their beaks or combed their feathers to
collect a dozen of the little buggers in a bucket.  Why a dozen?
Because that's how the French do snails and they wrote the rules
after all.  I'm sure you'll agree this is all very scientific.

Once divided into two groups of six I stuffed one batch into a
flower pot containing a couple of pages of chart hidden in some
really tasty lettuce leaves and they didn't come out until they
had devoured the lot!  Conclusive evidence if ever there was any.

Heavily addicted racing snails trying to break into the Lock-Up in search of charts.

The other six were given a placebo sheet of newspaper in an identical
pot and, judging by the mess they left behind, they didn't think
much of that at all.  There is, however, just one slight problem
to sort out.  I have my answer but I also now have six junkie
snails laying waste to my tiny garden in search of a fix - more charts!
Serves me right really.

Coming next time:  Will you pass the test?


  1. Alas, over the years, I have consistently failed the test.

  2. Extremely addictive, started the year with one and now have at least 12. Who knows what next year will bring with my addition. Of course, they have not been stitched just loved.