GIVE 'EM A RING
by Julia Line, granny to the stars!
Down in the field where the daisies blow
Lives a fat Shetland pony and a big black crow.
One munches grass and the other just says "caw".
It's all sweet and so bucolic
Who could want for more?
Down by the river where the rushes grow so tall
Lives a bloody great swan and a spider very small.
One does, frankly, nothing and the other just spins "stuff".
It's so calm, almost romantic,
But is it quite enough?
In a warm and comfy house with their children all around
Lives a couple, their four children and a small foxhound.
They all make constant chatter and one just farts a lot.
It's so safe and well protected.
What's not to like in that?
Down on the allotments
Where the vegetables all grow
Works a funny little man
With an enormous hoe, hoe, hoe.
He does a lot of thinking when he potters in his shed
It's where he whiles his time away.
So what more can be said?
Inside a chilly cottage where the bills are mounting up
Lives a crazy old woman and her mangey cat called Fluff.
One does a lot of knitting while the other just sheds hair.
It seems so sad and all quite pointless.
Is there anybody there?
When did you last call a wrinkly?
Get on the blower now and make someone's day!