You just have to look a little harder
always supposing you can remember where you put
your glasses down in the first place.
Forget tattoo's - they're for the young,
the criminally insane and those seeking first hand
experience of septicaemia.
That said, a fox going to cover between
my buttocks with only the tail still visible
does still have a certain appeal
but who, except members of the medical profession,
The only piercing I fancy is a full Albert
(Google it but seek only a description - don't opt for the pictures)
but as a sex change would also be involved I shall
put that particular whim in my "too difficult" folder.
But this still leaves plenty of avenues for fun and frolic
if you're prepared to use a little imagination.
Here's some ideas to get you started.
Join the local bowls club as an agent provocateur
and see how many rubbers or mats of whatever it is they
call them you can throw into chaos before they
throw you and your woods out onto the street.
Attend a meeting of your local Women's Institute
Travel with your free bus pass at the height of rush hour
and see if the driver has the bottle to stop you.
Return your library books with saucy little post-it
notes inside for the next unwitting reader to discover.
Lie about your age.
Add ten years and see if anyone says
"You certainly don't look it."
Now off you go, have a laugh, don't get arrested
send me your photo's and watch out for fellow thrill seekers