Times are hard everywhere and these days getting something for nothing doesn't happen very often. But Lady Bountiful here at the Chateau is in a generous mood and wanting to spread a little of her largesse amongst her serfs. Yes Alice dear I suppose it is rather like HMTQ giving out the Maundy Money. Cheers ma'am, a little Dutch courage never hurt anyone.
Now here's the rub. This offer is only open to my faithful followers. We've got to keep the riff raff out somehow, particularly that rather unpleasant mob from the Rye. All you need to do is send me a suitably grovelling e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org and I will do the necessary having first checked that you are actually registered for benefits.
Sorry Freudian slip there, I flashed back to my youth for a moment when I used to sign on for the dole every Thursday before noon. That's me on the far left, yes - the bandy one, ricketts were a real curse back then, Ah! happy days.
I was afraid this might happen, news of the give-away has already hit the streets and the picture above was taken only minutes ago in St Flovier when the mayor decided to put the riot squad on stand-by in case of possible crowd unrest. So let's press on quickly to avoid possible loss of life ....
And now I can reveal what all the fuss is about. Ladies, transvestites and sailors everywhere it gives me great pleasure (but that's yet another story) to proudly present, splitting infinitives as I boldly go ..... fanfare of trumpets, crowds go wild with anticipation and the mayor estimates the cost of crowd control on his tight budget ....
DARE TO BE DIFFERENT
Don't push, form an orderly queue as we did when sweeties were on ration, wait your turn now ..... what have I done?