Fire drill

So, it's the middle of the bleedin' night

and yours truly is not only fast akip (sounds like

a new political party) but deeply involved

with a young Sean Bean playing the role of Mellors

the gamekeeper to Lady Chatterley.

No Alice dear, I wasn't taking the part of his labrador.

Bloody cheek!

Double barrelled

 

It was at that moment that I had what can only be

described as a "near death experience", the earth

(and my bowels I might add) nearly moved

 and not at the hands of the wicked SB either.

"Where would you like your daisies planted madam"

he said huskily.

- oh read the book if you don't know what I'm on about.

I must not eat beans at bed time!

 

The smoke alarm on the landing had gone off and,

had my ticker been in any way dicky, I think

it would have been curtains for Granny Long Dog.

Fortunately I'm made of sterner stuff than that

-remember the rats, the hornets, the night the chateau

roof nearly came off?

Women and long dog's first!

 

I didn't know whether to hastily dress for the occasion,

grab my laptop and a clean pair of knickers,

abandon ship, search for my muster station

or start the community singing with Abide With Me of course.

I think he's pleased to see me!!

 

In the end I decided to do none of the above,

after all there was no smell of smoke

and my bed didn't appear to be on fire so I drifted

back into the arms of Mellors for a little unfinished business.

Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean!