Tits!

That's right, you didn't misread it - TITS!

Here at the lock-up command centre we have tits galore.

Great tits, blue tits (well, it's been a bit nippy recently),

coal tits and, it's even been said, that mine

aren't too bad for an old bird.  Lift and separate and

you won't go far wrong I've always found.

 

Nice pair of tits.

 

We've also got robins, wrens, ringed doves,

a magnificent male blackbird and more starlings than you

could shake a stick at which brings me,

at long last, to the point.

 

Quick shake the stick, they're fighting again.

 

They all need feeding.

They stand in huddles in the early morning gloom

awaiting sustenance, peering forlornley through the

conservatory windows willing me to arise and spread

my largesse.  The last occupant has a lot to answer for

leaving me with the responsibility for this motley crew

of dependent little beaks to nurture and support.

 

Can you hear us?

 

They sell a wide range of wild bird food at the Post Office and I

opt, as a rule, for the song bird mix with added meal worms

and suet surprises.

 

Not to self:  Do not store near the mueseli in future.

It is all too easy to confuse the two and a mouthful of suety

mealworms doesn't get the day off to a good start.

 

The neighbours really appreciate my bird feeding activities.

 

The new postmistress is a jovial sort of woman, so when I

presented my exhorbitantly priced purchase at the till for

payment I jokingly said "Feed the birds tuppence a bag."

and placed a shiny, new 2p piece on the counter.

 

She replied with a smile, "Dream on Mary Poppins, that

will be £2.99.  Will there be anything else?"

 

 

 

"Yes" I replied, quick as a flash.  And here's where my day

became even more surreal than normal.  "I'd like a selection

from The Sound of Music" and to my utter amazement she

struck up with Climb Every Mountain.

 

Feeling it might have been rather churlish to let her struggle

on alone, I joined in followed swiftly by every other

customer in the shop.

 

Choir bombing strikes again!

I just love Acle, they're all as mad a I am here!

 

Have you eaten all our mealworms again Julia?