The Parish Newsletter!

Aforementioned item and a hefty pile of it's chums arrived

this morning ready to be hand delivered by my kinsfolk

to huts, hovels and mansions alike scattered the length

and breadth of the valley.

 

It's vastly more than the simple news sheet it's name implies.

It's a glossy gem packed from cover to cover with news,

views and forthcoming events.

These girls even leave the pips in their cherry jam!

 

As much a slice of rural life as the Women's Institute

pin up calendar/cake sale,

the village fete on the green and daily episodes of

the Archers (tum ti tum ti tum ti tum ....

...doh! said the ghost of Walter Gabriel from on high).

Many of you will not know what on earth that was all about

but it's inclusion was valid and necessary.  Really.

Photography by Anne Amateur

 

Where were we?

Ah yes, I remember, it's all coming back to me.

Just inside the daffodil encrusted front cover

is a list of dates for your diary.  Grab a pencil and take

them down.  There's something for everyone.

Just before the pectin kicks in.
Can you see someone at her window?

 

27th March is film night at Slightly-under-Clad when they

will be showing "A Night to Remember" (and that's a promise)

starring Merna Loye as the psycopathic jam maker,

Alice, who ends up hallucinating after a lethal overdose

of weapon's grade pectin.  She comes to a sticky end!



Take a tip from these two and try to reserve a place towards the back of the hall
to avoid possible mishaps like this.

 

29th March.  The Memorial Hall at Nether Garments looks all

set to bee-come a hive of activity when veteran apiarists,

honey-voiced Bea and Ernest Nadgers will be giving a talk

entitled "Bee Keeping - is it really such a pain in the arse?"

Tea to be served by a hot crumpet in the interval.

Royal Jelly £1 extra - Right Royal Jelly £2 extra.

Nice try ma'am but this event is only open to locals I'm afraid.

 

6th April is once again the date set for the notorious

Buckemhoff Ride, an event guaranteed to strike fear into the

heart of any participating equestrian.  Last year there were

fewer casualties than usual due to animal rights

activists diverting the riders away from Breakneck Vale

and up Nackered Hill, a much less onerous route.

Careful Camilla, don't rub our Rodney up the
wrong way whatever you do!

 

Anyone foolhardy enough to wish to volunteer to be a steward should

contact Camilla asap.  Fully body armour will be provided and

the Council have very kindly agreed to pay danger money.

Only serious candidates need apply - preferably with a military

background.  Camilla's orders.

Carry on gals and always remember to defend the
honour of the Little Arris troop to the last boy scout!

 

The Girl Guides over at Little Arris in the Mold, flushed with the

recent success of their 275 signature petition about something or

other have now decided to go global and will be

attempting to cover as many "arrises in the cold" by hand

sewing dresses for the organisation "Stitch Up the World"
which is run from a postal address in Rotherham.

They are currently appealing for knicker elastic, old duvet

covers, detonators and an ironing board.  Watch this space.

It all went downhill after the Government cut the funding for
library services - enough to give anyone the hump!

 

Getting tired?  Nearly through, only a couple more pages to go.

I'm not needed on the church cleaning rota next week,

the mobile library has changed days to Thursday

and the Mothering Sunday reading will be

Colossians - Chapter 3:12-17!

Same as last year, it's one of my favourites.

See what I mean.  Don't let that smirk fool you.
Willie by name, goodness knows what by nature.

 

I've been saving this till last -

THE LIMERICK CHALLENGE!

can be homorous, ribald, nonesense or all three.

Surely my rendition of  "There was an old widow from Bath"

must be in with a chance this month - it's pure genius -

or I shall begin to think that the Very Reverend William Tweak

(known as Willie to those strange friends of his)

has rigged the vote yet again.