Wednesday, 27 April 2016

Mes Sourcils!

I have no eyebrows thanks to ongoing auto-immune problems and
for the vast majority of the time it matters not a jot.  The frame of my
spectacles covers the offending area and as they were never a prominent
feature at the best of times I tend not to mourn their loss - until today.

Those brows spoke volumes

Today I discovered whilst reading a magazine article that there is a
"language of the brows"  and therefore, because of my loss, I am unable
to participate,  I am "mute".  I cannot lower to express displeasure,
raise in surprise, cock in a quizzical manner nor flash a cheeky little
wtf a la Groucho Marx.

Don't look into her eyes.

What to do?  A quick trawl of the internet soon threw up as many
questions as it supplied answers.  Did you know that in the dark ages
women stuck on bits of mouse skin in an attempt to deceive, that
Queen Elizabeth I shaved hers off, that you can have them tattooed on
and that e-bay offers a whole range of eyebrow syrups for "every age,
race, sex, skin-type and occasion".  

Makes everything crystal clear

It was the last option that had me wondering - I've heard of come to bed
eyes but this is a step too far.  Amazon are even offering free and fast
delivery on "extensions" would you believe?  That certainly caused me to
raise the shiny, bald surfaces just above my eyes I can tell you, but no one
heard me cry out!

"Frozen" assets

Further painstaking research led to the discovery of waxing parlours,
the Asian depilatory art of "threading", stick on bling, a plethora of
cosmetic pencils and dyestuffs finally ending up with eyebrow art
in all it's myriad, and very alluring, forms.

Upon reflection I think I'll pass on them all, even "the allure", and just
keep my glasses on in the hope that no one notices.


  1. Should get you together with my Jeff--his auto immune disorder attacks and explodes his small blood vessels thus gives him blood blisters everywhere. In a Ren fair you could be Queen and he could be the Plague.