Monday, 8 June 2015

Is there an "f" in aphid?

The title of to-day's post is a serious question which troubles
me greatly and should be read at considerable speed.

I can, what's more, give you an immediate answer which should
also be read at nothing less than a speed of Warp 6.
Yes, there is an "f" in aphid, and to be even more precise
they're all over the first buds on my beautiful new climbing rose
which rejoices in the name "Iceberg".  

Iceberg rose

The label which was attached promised me perfectly formed, white,
delicately fragrant flowers will adorn this glorious climber from
top to bottom during the season - no mention was made of aphids
which are now swarming all over it in their thousands.

Aphidian bastards!

And what's more my aphid problem doesn't just stop there on the
rose bush.  It appears that my deadly foe the aphid doesn't limit it's
activities to the great outdoors if that's not a misnomer for the
Lock-Up courtyard garden.  These cunning little swine will go to
any lengths to get right up my nose it seems.

Imagine the scenario, I'm sure you've all been there.  You're stitching
away on some delicate little flowers whilst watching some old toffee
on the television when the ad break fortuitously arrives and you nip off
to the loo for a quick pee.  But what really takes the biscuit on this
occasion is that when I returned to my labours to my horror I discovered
that a couple of aphids had snuk in and were about to settle down
on the flower basket I was in the middle of.

Now that's just not on and without further thought I gave them both
a quick flick to get them off as quickly as possible.  Aphid One died
instantly splattered on my fingernail.  When I flick, I flick.

I declare these flowers an aphid-free zone!

However Aphid Two was a rather more sticky little varmit and in a
last desperate aphidian act of reprisal for the death of his comrade
proceeded to spread his squashed little green corpse in a slimey green
stain across my work!

Well little varmit I have the last laugh and your ploy didn't work
because I have simply stitched you out with a green leaf!
The designer always has the final say.

One lump or two?

Time for a taste of my new culinary creation which I've just taken out
of the oven and which I'm calling Rhubarb Porridge.
Anyone for a slice, I've got plenty of custard to go with?


  1. Where are the ladybirds to save your lock up from further infestation?

    1. They flew away home 'cos their house is on fire and their children might burn!